Spring Rain!

"It's been so long since the last entry. There are many things I forgot to mention in my last entry as well.

To be honest, the scenery from my window is not as gorgeous as I would have imagined or wanted it to be. Currently, as I glimpse outside, I see a dark sky covered with clouds, hiding the moon and all its beauty. I can see nothing in the darkness but the dim porch lights of the houses in my neighborhood and their reflection in the puddles scattered among the seemingly invisible road. This was the aftermath of a storm, signaling the beginning of a new season.

While driving back from a dinner party earlier tonight, I found myself amidst this storm. Rain came pouring down like a waterfall, bombarding my car with so much water that even my windshield wipers were rendered "not very effective." Even with my headlights on, the road before me was barely visible; I could only see a few meters in front of my car. However, one thing I do remember seeing was this bright flash that streaked across the sky, seemingly ripping the sky into two pieces. Even though I could see almost nothing due to the downpour, this flash was as visible as headlights of the car tailgating me. I was so focused on the road ahead that this flash took my by surprise. But at the same time, that brief glance left a very big impression in my memory. I can barely remember anything else that took place in the fifteen minute drive back home.

For me, this storm was almost as if the sky was breaking down. The rain falling from the sky were the sky's tears, and the rumbling thunder that shook earth was the sky's cry. Together, it symbolized a change. For the first time, I felt as though spring was coming soon. Even though I dread spring due to allergies, spring truly is the season of change, and I truly need a lot of change in my life.

Currently, my life reflects much of what I see out my window. It is dark and gloomy. Family, friends, and school are all becoming part of this weight that is holding me down. It is becoming harder and harder to handle everything, and oftentimes, I find myself handling the situation inappropriately.

Recently, my family has been going through a lot of problems. The problems isn't from money issues, but rather from interfamily conflicts that are weakening the fragile bonds holding us together. Even though I've only been going for a short amount of time, much as changed in my family chemistry. The communication that was once there has been replaced with criticism and self-reliance. Although I hate to blame the problems on one single person, I feel that much of negativity was largely due to my father. Although I truly love and admire my father, especially since he was the one who raised me as a child, I don't know what to say or how to defend his recent actions. While on one hand, I want whats best for the family, on the other hand, I still really respect my father."

Wow everything above was a draft I had never published. I wrote it sometime in March? I'm going to post this and add another.